Because i have to

because i have to keep going right? So i stopped the tears for a min and i wrote a post.

Parceque j’ai pas le choix, j’ai arrêté de pleuré 2 min et j’écris.

I feel empty. I feel so bad. so sad, so mad and lonely. It truly hurts. It’s ridiculous. Work takes all my energy, i work a loooot. It ‘s night at 4pm, it rains and snows. It doesn’t help the moral. It’s low. I don’t know what to do when im home. I have no one to talk, no one to share my day with. The tv is broken and i don’t understand how to fix it cause it’s in swedish. I can’t cook. Im a joke.

earlier I read something i really liked:

Living is, swimming from “me the shore” to “you the shore”  in “us the ocean”

Je me sent vide. Tellement triste, fachée et seule. Ca fait mal. C’est ridicule. Le boulot me pompe toute mon énergie; je bosse beaucoup. Il fait nuit 16h, il pleut et il neige. Ca n’aide pas les morales au plus bas. Je ne sais plus quoi faire quand je suis à la maison. Je n’ai personne  à qui parler, à qui raconter ma journée. La télé ne fonctionne plus et je ne comprend pas ce qu’il faut faire pour la régler…c’est en suédois. Je ne sais pas cuisiner. Je suis une blague.

J’ai lu quelque chose qui m’a plus:

“Vivre c’est nager de moi la rive, vers toi la rive, dans l’océan du nous”


Anyway, fun fact, on tuesday i received an invitation : the ambasador and his wife are asking you to do them the honor of your presence for lunch on thursday 4th at 12h30 at the french residency.  

Bref, petite anecdote quand même, mardi j’ai reçu une invitation: l’ambassadeur et sa femme vous demande de leur faire l’honneur de votre présence à déjeuner jeudi 4 novembre à 12h30  à la résidence française.

Kinda cool right? “do them the honor”…  well ok, to be totally honest i was invited cause they were 13 and you cannot sit 13 around a table so they needed a 14. But anyway, i got invited. It was…i have no words. The place was amazing, huge deep carpets, huge paintings, chandeliers, 4 waiters/maîtres d’hôtel.  Before going in the dinning room a woman was standing by the door with a small reproduction of the table so you could see where you’re supposed to sit so you don’t have to go around the table. There was 2 forks and 2 knives, i had to check on others which one to use when. The food and wine were delicious. I felt totally out of place but i loved it. I was sitting next to the director of the italian institute, by 2 editors, 2 french authors (the lunch was in their honor), one of them was the former ambassador, the ambassador himself and his wife.  It was so weird, and…sureal.

Plutot la classe nan? ” leurs faire l’honneur..”  bon, la vérité c’est qu’ils étaient 13 à table et donc il avait besoin d’un 14e convive, mais bon, le principal c’est d’être invité. C’était…impressionnant. La résidence est magnifique, des grands tapis mouelleux, des tableaux imenses, des chandeliers. 3 serveurs et maîtres d’hôtels. A la porte de la salle à manger une femme vous présente une table mignature pour que l’on trouve sa place sans tourner autour de la table. 2 fourchettes et 2 couteaux, j’ai du regarder les autres pour savoir quoi utiliser. Le repas était excellent. Je me sentais complétement pas à ma place mais c’était génial. A table avec l’ambassadeur, sa femme, le directeur de l’institut italien, 2 éditrices, 2 auteurs français (le déjeuné était en leur honneur), dont un, ancien ambassadeur de France…..tellement improbable.


I miss easier times…times with tales, princesses and princes..happily ever after and stuff…where princes don’t work far away…

Les contes de fées, avec les jolies princesses et les princes qui se barrent pas me manque…ça semblait plus facile…

17 thoughts on “Because i have to

  1. Oh, I feel so bad!! No one to mysa with! 😦 It’ll get better!
    I know it’s weird because it’s internet and stuff, but I really want to say that if you need a friend in Stockholm, please don’t hesitate to get in touch! Seriously, I just moved back here myself, and it’s always fun to meet new people. And I’m not a freak, haha:D Big hug!

  2. I’m sending you a big virtual hug! I totally understand the loneliness, it sucks big time. My advice is to go out and do something for yourself! Take some you time, even if you’re tired. Go to an art museum and sit for hours, go to a really expensive store that you’ll never be able to afford, and pretend you’re some rich snob! Get dressed up fancy and go to the grocery store, and laugh as people watchy you buy shampoo dressed to the nines. I know it won’t make it all better, but it might make you feel better! I’m keeping you in my thoughts and prayers my dear!!

  3. Uuuhh buu for the the snowstorm- but I’m telling you, thats Sweden ! Sux.
    Oohh sweetie, hope you feel better ! Know its hard now, but it’ll be better ! And wow so cool with the invitation ! like totally awesome ! 😀

  4. What an amazing invitation. The lunch sounds so high profile. Such a cool thing to experience.

    It’s going to be hard for awhile, but remember, “this too shall pass.”

    Always here if you need me.


  5. Sweetie, I’m so sorry you feel low… but just know, each day will be a little easier! Big hug to you!
    Oh, and that dinner sounds really cool.

  6. oh sweetie, I wish there was something I could do for you to cheer you up! Hang in there!
    You can always write here whenever you need to let anything out, and we’ll be right here for you 🙂


  7. I don’t miss easier times, I dress like a princess when I want xD, and sometimes I am also sad or bored or disappointed. But I prefer to be a worker dressed as a princess than a real one, even princesses don’t have freedom to do whatever they want, I’m sure that we are more free than a real princess! When I feel like this, I focus on positive things, for example, the lunch that you had with the ambasador, it had to be a great experience!

  8. chin up Mo, you can get through this ❤ !!! congratulations on that invitation, seems like you're mingling with great people :D!!! and Thank You for your sweet comment, always makes us smile .

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